He had on gold chains and was about 67 years old with scars of experience, misery, and redemption. Above his left eyebrow, he had a bullet hole scar. His index finger was broken, so he wore his wedding ring on the pinky. He smelled like wine and fresh marijuana smoke. Standing about 5'5 with the pride of a man born in America with deep Italian roots, the jeweler was from the streets of Detroit. His voice was reminiscent of an old scratch table and a harsh glass of cheap whiskey.
I had just met the jeweler for the first time through a mutual friend. It had only been about 22 minutes before I realized he hadn't stopped talking, and I didn't stop listening.
The jeweler stabbed people and had dealt with heinous crimes and described himself as a damaged soul. Now, living like an expat in an East Asian country, creating families with much younger women—the jeweler explained he didn't want to be alone. It was the loneliness that actually drove him to the madness of behaviors.
"I did bad things for bad people and made a lot of money doing it, and I was a gold merchant. I moved to Thailand after my divorce. After I lost all my money, my cars, and my wife, I quickly realized that I had brought all my problems with me 10,000 miles away. I sat there for six months, so lonely with no self-worth. The loneliness kills you. I needed a woman around."
After about an hour of looking into the jewelers heart and eyes, I couldn't help but take the lessons and apply them to myself and my journey.
"I hope I cherish my partner in the future. I hope I become a better man and protect her ego. I hope I let go of my childhood trauma. I hope I don't end up like the jeweler. As long as I grow from my experience in my mistakes, I think I have a chance."
The jeweler and I had a nice back-and-forth about sitting with the emotions we feel versus escaping them. Like a nephew speaking to his old drunk uncle—I would argue that the wisdom is in NOT escaping, and the person needs to fully absorb the lessons of the mistakes they make and allow the ego to be broken. The jeweler would argue that it was self-punishment, and he would distract himself so he didn't feel the pain any more because—life goes on.
To his own admission, the jeweler was still broken, as his current wife was ready to file another divorce. According to the jeweler, he lacked affection and love, and he just objectified her-but loved her.
Life is full of nuances. It's never black-and-white, and it's very easy to judge how different experiences affect different people. The jeweler was about 30 years older than me, and it was a harsh reminder of what our choices in life could lead us to. As I work on becoming a better man, I can't help but observe the lessons through the stories people tell.
Human beings are very complex people with different layers of ego, pride, and self-worth. There's a delicate dance between deep unconditional love and having a partnership; we're our transactional needs are being met and nothing else. But as we travel our individual journeys, I think it's important for all of us to be able to learn from the lessons life teaches.
I'm awakening to the misery around me just as much as I'm awakening to the beauty that it could be. Life is not about suffering, but it's also not about ignoring the suffering either. There's always a constant push and pull in the balance of life.
The work never stops. Relationships are very difficult. Loneliness is also very difficult. Meeting each other half-way is also very difficult.
The judgment in the end should only come from God/higher power. The mercy we seek should be with an open heart rooted in the foundation of forgiveness. Life is teaching me that I am defined by the choices I make as well as the choices I don’t. Which only leads me to believe that in the end…